Let’s face it, some days parenting is hard! As much as you try to calm down, breathe deeply, and all the other tricks and tips we’ve heard about, it doesn’t really help much. The kids won’t stop fighting, there’s not enough quiet to make salaah as you’d like to with full concentration, the back-chats are too bold, and the house is a crazy mess!
In moments like these, all I want to do is shout at them to stop. This only makes it worse, because as it turns out I’m shouting at the wrong kid, or the kid who deserves the punishment is now melting into a tantrum, or even worse, they start shouting back…
Parenting is not easy! Its hard and tiring at the best of times. Its nerve-wrecking and trying at the worst… But the actions that carry the greatest rewards often are the most difficult. Like every other aspect of our lives, Allah truly said: “Your property and your children are only trial” (Quraan: Ixiv.15)
Remember that you are not alone in these moments. Parenting has always been a challenging occupation, ever since the beginning of creation.
Adam (as) was told that every human would have emnity with the other. And the first humans were siblings! Talk about parental pressure on our parents, Adam and Hawa (as). Because we all know the story of Habil and Qabil. Then other great parents too. Nuh(as) struggling with his son. Luth(as) struggling to protect his daughters. Yaqub(as) and his sons and their tumultous relationship. Parenting has never been easy, no thanks to Shaytaan, one of whose primary agendas is to break up the family unit. Ebrahim (as) with his father. Moosa’s (as) mother having to make the very difficult decision to set him afloat on the river. The Quraan is full with such examples…
In moments of desperation, remember that this too shall pass. Allah is Al-Aleem, the All-knowing, He knows your struggles, He sees your desperation, He hears your prayers, He feels your anxiety. Allah Knows!!! And this is why Allah has promised incredible rewards for parenting, and raising righteous offspring. Amongst the clearest examples of Islam’s honoring the role of parenting is where Allah commands us in the Quraan “Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility and say, “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.“ [Noble Quran 17:23-24]
Islam commands kindness, respect and obedience to parents. So much so, that Nabi(saw) said ‘Paradise lies under the feet of mothers!’ Such honour and status we’ve been awarded. In those days of difficulty, remind yourself of this, turn to Allah and ask for His guidance, and be concious of the fact that there are great rewards awaiting your sacrifices.
May we be able to fulfill our obligations both to our parents, and to fulfill our duties of parenting our children with grace and eemaan. Ameen